Dear Madame,
I am really confused about what women want. I really do not know how to date, or how to get to know a woman. I find them really confusing. One woman tells me one thing, and I try doing that with the girl of my dreams, and it doesn’t work with her. So I do something different with someone else, and she’s annoyed by me. I keep messing up, and I’m left lonely and confused. Please give me some advice. I don’t want to be lonely for the rest of my life, masturbating alone in my bedroom rather than having a genuine connection with someone beautiful and magical. I know she’s out there. I just don’t know how to make it happen.
Sincerely,
Boo Matcha, age 20
Dear Boo,
You are so cute and sweet.
I feel for you. I know women are difficult. I am a woman, which is how I know we are tough. And we are kind of meant to be, if you want to know the truth. We are meant to respect ourselves, and honor ourselves, and know ourselves well. We are meant to have some walls up, so that we can detect false from true gentlemen. A man with intention and initiative will work to override our barriers. He will come back. He will keep trying, because he has intuitive knowledge, or a deep enough desire, to get to know us and hold our hand and lead us through the swamps of our lives.
Men who are lazy and complacent are lazy and complacent, and they will throw up their hands and move on to someone they think is easy, purely so they can have a woman who checks the box so they can look like a man in love, rather than actually being in love. And those men are pretty miserable.
Do you see the distinction of the false and the true?
Many men--and women, too, of course--lack intention, and they lack initiative when it comes to a relationship. They are lonely, and they just want someone to fill that loneliness, and to coddle them, and to make them feel good about themselves. And a quality woman can certainly help in those ways. But she is such quality, Dear Matcha, that she has to put a man to the test first. She does not just surrender into his arms without seeing first that his arms are worthy to receive her.
Remember our archetype of the princess in the castle? The handmaiden in the tower? She sings loudly, calling from the window above, waiting for the handsome knight to come rescue her. (Women want a handsome knight to come rescue them, it is in our flesh and bones, and any woman who suggests otherwise is lying to herself. There are nuances to this, mind you, so don’t tell a woman I told you our secret unless you know her really well and are comfortable enough with her to have this conversation.)
So the princess in the castle, or the handmaiden in the tower, longs for her handsome knight to come rescue her. But keep in mind, she is in a tower, honey. She is high up. She is not easy to get to. And so the knight has to figure things out, he has to tap into his masculine energy, he has to show that he is worthy by doing some hard things to get up there in that tower with her. He’s going to have to find a rope, or make a ladder, or call in some helpers, or something. Because she is not standing right in front of him wearing a slinky dress saying, “Hey, wanna give me your digits, I want to ride on your motorcycle!”
This is the way that women get to be women, and men get to be men. Women show they are quality by unconsciously/subconsciously acting in a way that shows they are not an easy find, or easy to acquire. A quality woman does not lock it in with the first man she sees or knows, because that reeks of desperation rather than true or authentic anything.
Men get to be men by showing initiative, and creativity, and motivation. This impresses a quality woman, and a romantic love story can begin.
So it is possible that you have not yet met a woman who intrigues you enough, who ignites you enough, to spark a fire inside you that makes you want to pursue. If that is the case, relax for a while, get more comfortable with who you are, go deep inside yourself and uncover what is magical and pure about you, and then you will attract situations or people into your life who make you excited and ready to act like a man, which means you will be motivated, intrigued, interested, and coming back for more regardless of any pitfalls that might occur. (A woman cannot usually resist a man who is in his element, with intention, motivation, drive, and desire to court her, who does not back down too easily.)
Also, all the 80’s movies about high school capture this perfectly. There is someone on the sidelines who is marginalized and uncool, and they have this big crush on the cool person. Usually they get the cool person, or they discover that the cool person isn’t cool, and they get someone even better. They learn a lot in the process and gain some great friends.
It always works out in the end, Boo.
Baaaaaa,
Madame Rose
P.S. It is also possible that everything I have said is wrong, so just try and see.
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(Also happy 14th birthday to my son, Ben, who is the handsomest fellow you ever did see.)
Image: Photo by Kayla Koss on Unsplash